The Art of Text Messaging
by AllVowels
Summary: Jeff texts Annie while out at the bar one night. Some miscommunication occurs.


Title: The Art of Text-Messaging

Author: AllVowels

AN: For those of you who may not know, Wyoming is the state directly above Colorado. I live there, and we aren't all rednecks or crazy. Odd things just get us in the news.

* * *

Jeff was at L Street on Saturday night, which wasn't that unusual, but this time he had wanted to stay home. Britta had convinced him to go with her because a former friend of hers, who claimed she was from the former Soviet Union, was in town. Apparently they had met at some rally several years ago during her 'wilder' days. She promised to buy his drinks if he didn't allow the two of them to get drunk together. Something about fertilizer and bomb threats. Whatever it was, he didn't exactly remember.

He looked over to where Britta was laughing and talking unreasonably loud to a dark brunette who started out the night with a thick accent. As the night progressed her Russian accent had become non-existent. She sounded like she was from Jersey. And judging from the snort that came from Britta's mouth and the liquid that dribbled from her nose, he had failed at keeping the two sober. Oh well, he was planning on paying for his own drinks anyway.

He glanced back down at his phone. He had texted her over an hour ago and still not gotten a response.

"What the hell Annie?" He had been talking to a busty blonde. Correction a busty dumb blonde, but for some reason the dumb part really bothered him tonight. She was giving Jessica Simpson a run for her money. She sounded smart enough in the beginning, coyly asking what he thought about Wyoming's doomsday bill.

He had laughed, "I think they are a bunch of rednecks with too much time on their hands."

Her face scrunched up in confusion. "Well of course their necks are red. I don't think Africans can afford sunscreen."

With that sentence his attraction was immediately crushed. 3 years ago he would have rolled with it for a roll in the sack. Now he had been ruined. He was surrounded by three smart women on a daily basis. Granted all three of them were bat shit crazy in their own way, but he could have an intellectual conversation with anyone of them. So instead of following up, he explained to her that he was actual a body guard and that the man in the corner was a rich prince who he was protecting. He suggested that she go talk to him, but told her the prince was trying to blend in with everyone.

"So whatever you do, don't call him a prince. It'll blow his cover." The blonde nodded solemnly and floated away.

That's when he sent his first text.

_Jeff: You up?_

And now here he was looking like a loser staring at his phone. His phone chimed alerting him to a new text message.

_Annie: Sorry, phone keeps dying._

_Jeff: Your phone stinks. You need a new one._

_Annie: Can't afford it. I can barely afford this one. _

Jeff frowned. He thought her financial problems would be better now since moving in with Troy and Abed. Maybe he could convince Pierce to accidentally order two new phones and give one to Annie.

_Jeff: What have you been up to?_

_Annie: Troy and Abed won't let me go to sleep and I'm so tired._

_Jeff: What are they doing?_

_Annie: Practicing Sodomy_

Jeff stared at the tiny screen of his phone. Had he had too much to drink? Nope, it definitely said sodomy.

_Jeff: Well that's not surprising. Are they being loud and keeping you up?_

_Annie: No they keep needing me to help them. Abed is pretty good at it, but Troy needs a lot of help. I keep giving him pointers. :)_

Jeff wasn't sure how to feel about that. He could appreciate a friend helping a friend out, but if she was participating in some weird roommate threesome he was going to slowly choke the life out of Troy and Abed. Besides he would have thought Troy would be better at it than Abed, not vice versa.

_Jeff: Are you doing it for them?_

_Annie: No I just give pointers if I see them struggling. And for some reason the Dean_ _is here too. He keeps trying to help Troy._

_Jeff: Are they at least using protection?_

_Annie: Why would they need protection?_

_Jeff: Who knows where the Dean has been._

_Annie: What are you talking about?_

_Jeff: You should know STD Fair organizer._

Jeff's phone sat silently for several minutes before it chimed again.

_Annie: OMG! That's not what I meant._

Withing seconds it chimed again.

_Annie: SUDOKU! Not Sodomy._

_Annie: Stupid Autocorrect! :(_

Jeff actually laughed out loud. He could just imagine Annie's face right now. It'd be flushed with embarrassment as she avoided eye contact with anyone in the room. Then she would nibble on her lips with her perfectly white teeth.

_Jeff: You didn't notice it after you sent it?_

_Annie: I'm tired, and the screen is kinda blurry. Leave me alone._

_Jeff: Too bad. I was going to ask you for pointers too ;)_

_Annie: Don't tease!_

_Jeff: I'm not. I would sincerely like your input on the subject matter._

_Annie: I don't know anything about… that sort of stuff._

Jeff's eyebrows shot to his hairline. He knew she wasn't a virgin. Britta and Shirley spilled the beans about the unfortunate experience with her gay ex-boyfriend, but surely she had done something with someone since then.

_Jeff: Really?_

_Annie: Can we talk about something else?_

_Jeff: Nope. I'd imagine you'd be a natural at it._

* * *

Annie stared at her phone. The screen was slightly blurred at the top from when Troy threw it in the kitchen sink while reenacting some movie with Abed. Apparently her phone was the bomb. That was how she missed the originally misspelling. Even though the screen was horrible, she could still read Jeff's message loud and clear.

"Annie are you alright? Your face is really red." Troy asked as he looked up from his Sudoku puzzle.

"Oh! I'm fine. It's just kind of hot in here."

"It's getting hot in herre, let's take off all our clothes. I am gettin' so hot, I wanna take my clothes off."

Troy looked at the Dean next to him, "Please don't. One of the rules of the blanket fort is keep your clothes on. If one piece of clothing comes off, you are asked to leave the island."

"But Troy!" Dean Pelton cried, "We aren't in your blanket fort."

"That rule extends to the living room and kitchen as well." Abed chimed in.

She used their moment of distraction to yawn loudly. "Well I'm beat. I'm going to bed. Don't have too much fun without me."

She quickly entered her room, shut the door and flopped down onto her bed. Picking up her phone she finally got the nerve to send a response.

_Annie: You imagine that stuff about me?_

_Jeff: All the time. _

Annie stared at her phone in shock. Jeff was never this open about his attraction to her. He was always denying that it existed. It could only mean one thing.

_Annie: Are you drunk_?

_Jeff: Maybe a little_

_Annie: How much have you had to drink?_

_Jeff: I don't know. I lost count after Britta sprayed whiskey out of her nose_

Annie frowned. Of course Britta was with him. After all she was the baby who couldn't drink, while Britta was the beautiful older women who could drink whiskey and probably knew a lot about sodomy and other depraved sexual acts.

_Annie: Britta's with you?_

_Jeff: Yea and some Russian friend of hers who isn't Russian. But she can drink like one!_

Annie's jealousy quickly turned to concern. How were they going to get home_? _Did they designate someone to drive?

_Annie: Do you guys need a ride?_

Annie waited for several minutes, compulsively checking her phone every five seconds to see if a new message had come in. On her 89th check, a new message had appeared.

_Jeff: Yes at L Street._

_Jeff: NO THE RED DOOR_

_Jeff: Sorry, Britta grabbed my phone._

_Annie: I'll be there in a few._

This was not how she imagined her Saturday evening.

* * *

Jeff stood outside, holding up a very drunk blonde. He honestly did not know how the two of them were standing because he had swayed considerably when he got up and dragged Britta away from her 'comrade.' So here he was with Britta leaning heavily into his side. He prayed to whatever was out there, God, Allah, the elephant thing from Hinduism, or even E.T., that Britta would not throw up on his suit. It was dry clean only.

As he saw Annie's beat up old clunker pull up a smile spread across his face. She got out of the seat wearing sweats, a t-shirt, and her hair was pulled in a ponytail. It was hot in an 'I don't care who sees me right now' sort of way.

"ANNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIE!" Britta cried as she saw her petite brunette friend approach them. "Have you come to join the revolution?"

He watched as she crinkled her nose, "Britta, how much have you had to drink?"

"Uhhh… This many." She held up her hands and wiggled her fingers. She then started to laugh "They look like worms. Hello little wormies."

"Come on drunkie. Get in the little car."

"Don't call me drunk! You're drunk!"

"That doesn't change the fact that you need to get in the car."

Annie had opened the back door and Jeff roughly pushed her into the back seat. Britta collapsed onto the seat with a groan.

"Will she be okay?" Annie asked with concern.

"Yeah, just needs to sleep it off." Jeff grumbled as he folded himself into the passenger seat.

"Wait, where is her friend?"

"She met a prince. They are going to overtake the Russian government together."

"Oh. Alright."

Annie climbed into the driver seat. She took Britta home first. It took her 10 minutes just to navigate Britta into her apartment. It took another 20 to situate the blonde into her bed. Annie had placed a trash can by her bed in case she needed to vomit. She then brought her some Tylenol and a glass of water. Britta made several grunting which Annie took as a thank you. Annie made sure to place her phone on the bed next to her in case she needed it.

By the time she got back in the car, Jeff had fallen asleep. His head was cocked at an odd angle against the door, and he had a little bit of drool coming out of the left side of his mouth. It was adorable. Annie smiled and started the car. When they reached Jeff's apartment, she turned off the vehicle and took a moment just to look at Jeff. She swung her door open and got out of the vehicle. She carefully opened up the passenger door and nudged Jeff.

"Jeff? Jeff? Jeff?"

Jeff jerked awake, "I was not sleeping in class Annie! I promise. But can I get your notes?"

"We aren't in class. Let's get you to bed."

"Mmm…" Jeff stood and draped an arm around her shoulder. "Lead the way."

Annie blushed at the closeness. Jeff was leaning into her slightly, but didn't rely on her to keep him upright as Britta had. Unfortunately getting Jeff into his apartment took much less time then Britta. He removed his arm from her shoulder and opened the door with his key. It only took him two tries to get it into the lock.

"Aha! Got it." Jeff said as he stumbled through the doorway and headed straight for the bedroom. Annie followed him in wringing her hands anxiously. He didn't seem as bad off as Britta, but was he okay by himself? Should she leave without saying goodbye? Deciding she should at least make sure he was hydrated she got a glass from the kitchen and filled it with water.

She knocked lightly on Jeff's door. When she got no response, she assumed he had already passed out, so she opened the door as quietly as she could. Jeff lay on the bed, in only his underwear with one arm draped over his face. Annie saw that the suit he was wearing was hung up neatly on the closet door. Carefully she set the glass of water down and turned to leave.

"What are you doing?"

She jumped as if she had been caught sneaking a cookie out of the cookie jar. "I just wanted you to have water. I'm leaving now."

"No don't go."

Annie's heart fluttered at Jeff's plea. Did he want her to stay? "What? Why? Are you going to be sick?"

"No. I need to get my car in the morning. Be quicker if you stay here."

Annie deflated. That wasn't what she wanted to hear. "Oh okay. I'll just sleep on the couch."

"Wait! Come 'ere."

Annie sighed and cautiously approached Jeff's bed. When she was close enough Jeff snagged her hand and tugged her roughly into the bed.

Annie let out a startled shriek, "What are you doing?"

"Couch has never been the same since Chang. Stay here." Jeff had maneuvered the blanket out from under them and threw it over their bodies. "Now go to sleep."

Annie watched as Jeff closed his eyes and quickly fell into slumber. She laid there, muscles tense, as she debated what to do. The bed was comfier than the couch, but she was worried it'd be awkward in the morning. Jeff probably wouldn't remember asking her to stay and he'd have to 'talk' with her again about how this didn't mean anything. That decided it for her, the couch was better than the talk.

She slowly rolled on to her side in an effort to get out of Jeff's bed. Her movement must have jarred Jeff because he turned on his side toward her. Annie froze as his muscular arm was draped over her. What did should she do?

As Annie was having a code 4 internal crisis, Jeff had snuggled closer to her. His arm tightened around her and his nose was buried into her neck.

It was like he was an octopus and had glommed onto her. There was no way she could escape now. Not like she really wanted to, because his warmth and scent was surrounding her in the most delicious way, but still! Annie closed her eyes and willed herself to relax. Listening to Jeff's even breathing, she was soon lulled into a deep sleep.

* * *

Jeff awoke to a soft warm woman in his arms. He usually didn't let them spend the night so this was odd. And she was clothed. And she smelled like Annie. Jeff sucked in his breath as the night's events returned. Annie picking him up, him asking her to stay, him pulling her into bed. The text message that started it all, talking about sodomy.

Jeff's eyes widened. He sent some flirty messages to Annie involving her and sodomy. How was he going to get out of this one? Annie squirmed in his arms, bringing her backside more firmly into contact with a part of him that really enjoyed the thought of Annie and sodomy. Jeff froze.

Why was he fighting this again?

Annie turned over and snuggled into Jeff's chest. She looked so innocent and young in her sleep. Yep, that's why he was fighting it. Because she was young and innocent and he was… not. His brain knew this argument to be true, but his heart, was arguing back fiercely today. It felt so right to wake up next to her. He already felt like today was going to be a wonderful day because it started off with seeing her face. Jeff knew that he could easily get used to this, this content feeling. Like everything was going to be alright.

As long as Shirley and Britta didn't find out he had snuggled with the group's baby all night.

Jeff saw the glass of water on the nightstand. He knew he hadn't gotten it. He smiled; it was such an Annie thing to do. He grabbed the glass, careful not to bother his bed partner, and gulped it down. The clink of setting the glass down was enough to wake up Annie.

Annie's eyes fluttered open, "Good morning."

Jeff shifted so he was looking at her again. "Morning."

Annie's face reddened as Jeff stared at her. Nervously she started to babble, "Last night you wouldn't let me sleep on the couch, so that's why…"

Jeff interrupted her, "I know."

"Oh." He continued to look at her. It was making her uncomfortable. It was an assessing look. He was probably trying to figure out how to let her down gently.

Annie panicked and started to talk again, "So can we not tell the group about last night?"

Jeff wracked his brain trying to figure out what she meant. They hadn't done anything last night, did they? Because if they did and he couldn't remember, he'd promise to abstain from alcohol right then and there.

"Last night? Sure my lips are sealed."

Annie sighed. "Good. I don't think Troy would react well if he thought I implied him and Abed… you know. And Shirley would go off on a rant about it being a sin, and Pierce would make gay comments and then Britta would go off about how everyone has the right to explore their sexuality in the way they choose and it would all be because of autocorrect!"

Jeff laughed, "Don't worry I promise. On one condition. You have to say the word."

"Jeff…" Annie whimpered. "I can't."

"Go on say it Annie."

Annie shook her head vehemently.

"Fine. I'm going to tell the group about Troy and Abed's sodomy. But was it the oral kind or the anal kind? With Troy's fascination with the butt I'd say anal."

"JEFF!"

"Maybe they participate in both. Who do you think is the man in the relationship? Do they take turns?"

Annie's face had turned beet red. She slapped his chest forcefully, "Stop teasing."

He grabbed the hand on his chest and leaned in close to her, "Then say it."

Annie's eyes dipped down to his naked chest, and whispered, "Sodomy."

Damn, that was hot. Jeff's brain decided to shut off and his heart and libido took over. He swooped in and captured her lips. The kiss deepened instantly with his tongue seeking entrance into her mouth. Annie let out a soft moan in response and she was soon on her back as Jeff hovered over her.

Needing breath Jeff slowly pulled away. Annie's ponytail was askew and her face was still bright red, but her eyes were sparkling.

She let out a tiny giggle, "You have bad breath."

Jeff roughly tickled her side, "Look who's talking."

Annie let out a gasp, "Uh! I'll have you know I brushed my teeth last night Mr. Hangover mouth!"

"If I go brush my teeth can we continue?" Jeff asked hopefully.

"On one condition."

"What?"

"You don't tell the group."

"Why would I tell them? They'll kill me."

Annie rolled her eyes, "Not about this. About the…_sodomy._"

Jeff laughed and was already halfway to the bathroom to brush his teeth. "Don't worry I won't. I can't make any promises for Britta though. She did steal my phone last night."

Annie sat on Jeff's bed stewing. Would Britta remember? She was awfully drunk last night. She didn't say anything while she was tucking her in, so maybe she'd be alright. Her inner diatribe was cut off when Jeff entered the bed room again.

"Are you done worrying about Troy and Abed's sexual depravity?"

Annie didn't respond. She was too busy taking in Jeff's mostly naked form. Jeff smirked, he still had it.

He crawled onto the bed and looked into her eyes, "Now where did we leave off?"

The two soon quickly forgot about everything and everyone else. They were so wrapped up in each other they did not hear Annie's phone go off.

_Britta: Hey I think I butt fiddled you in the middle of the night. Sorry._

_Britta: DIALED* Damn autocorrect._

* * *

AN: This story was inspired by my phone trying to turn my teachers name into Facial. I then looked online to see what other mess ups autocorrect has caused. Upon seeing the sodomy/Sudoku one I immediately thought of Trobed. I hope you enjoyed.

And I'm no good at writing smut. I'd love to, but it just sounds cheesy when I try. So use your imaginations to fill in what happened next.


End file.
